Opportunity Knocks
Who Says You Can't Live Your Dreams?
By Valerie Young
Dreamers beware: for every dream there are 10 naysayers just
waiting to dash it. It almost happened to Beverly Goodman Park.
Park was close to 60 when her marriage ended. At an age when
most people are contemplating retirement, Park decided to pursue
a long-held dream of becoming an attorney. A lot of people told
her she was too old. Undaunted, Park went to law school while
working full-time, passed the bar exam, and at 61, landed a job
at a law firm. Of her critics she says, "I thought this age
stuff was baloney."
Walter Anderson, author of The Greatest Risk of All, says by the
time we are in our 20s, we will have heard 25,000 "can'ts."
Don't expect a lot of support for your "foolish dreams."
Instead, be prepared to reach deep within to turn "can't" into
"can." Here are two motivation-boosting tips to get you started:
Become the Future You
Dreams, by their very nature, are about the future. With so many
present-day demands your dream can start to feel distant. The
more far-off the goal, the less likely it is you will act on it.
How can you make sure your dream doesn't fall prey to the
out-of-sight, out-of-mind syndrome? By bringing it into the
present. To do this you must become the future "you." Here's
how: The next time someone asks what you do for a living, try
answering, not in terms of the present, but as if you were
actively engaged in pursing your dream right this minute. In
other words, squelch your pat "I'm an accountant/in sales/a
social worker/a homemaker" response and instead try saying
something like: "I'm an aspiring mystery writer," or "I'm
looking into returning to school to become an oceanographer," or
"I'm in the process of changing careers to pursue my love of
gourmet cooking."
It doesn't matter if you haven't written a single page of your
future bestseller, sent away for one college catalog, or lifted
a finger to pursue your passion for cooking. What does matter is
that the dream that once felt elusive will suddenly begin to
feel real. And when that happens, you will be amazed at how much
sooner you'll get the change ball rolling. Before you know it,
you will actually BE the future you!
Get Inspired
Someone who knows a lot about the power of "acting as if" is
Steven Spielberg. Hoping to fulfill his filmmaking dreams,
Spielberg explains that he snuck onto the lot of Universal
Studios and became a "squatter" in an empty office. He even
bought plastic letters to mount his name in the building
directory. Security guards and exec's alike thought the guy
belonged there. His high jinks paid off. Spielberg's first
directorial break came when the studio bigwigs finally saw his
first film and liked what they saw.
This and other success stories can be found in Mischief
Marketing: How the Rich, Famous, & Successful Really Got Their
Careers and Businesses Going. Author Ray Simon reveals how
famous people as diverse as Mother Teresa, Duke Ellington, Andy
Kaufman, rap artist Big Pun, and Benjamin Franklin really got
started in life and how you can use their mischievous techniques
to do the same.
As encouraging as success stories can be, learning about
another's failure can be just as inspiring. Did you know that
Bob Dylan was booed off the stage at his high school talent
show? Or that Walt Disney was fired from a newspaper job for
"lacking ideas?" Or that Thomas Edison failed to perfect the
light bulb until his ten-thousandth try? How many "can'ts" do
you think these dreamers had to endure?
And when faced with a dream-buster, these "failure stories" can
make great comebacks, too. Would Parks' critics have been so
quick to discourage had she pointed out that Grandma Moses
didn't start painting until she was 80 years-old and that, of
her over 1,500 paintings, 25 percent were produced when she was
past 100?
"Persistence," said Robert Half, "is what makes the impossible
possible, the possible likely, and the likely definite." As
anyone who has ever chased a dream will tell you,
disappointment, self-doubt, and failure go with the territory.
The trick is to recognize these setbacks for what they really
are - bumps in the road, not the end of the road.
Publisher Katherine Graham said it well: "To love what you do
and feel that it matters - how could anything be more fun?" This
is your life we're talking about here. So what are you waiting
for? Catch a dream, have some fun and start turning can't into
can!
Add Your Two Cents
Want to comment on this article? Click here to hop over to the
Changing Course Blog: http://ChangingCourse.com/blog
About the Author
"Turning Interests Into Income" expert, Valerie Young,
Abandoned her corporate cubicle to become the
Dreamer in Residence at http://ChangingCourse.com
offering resources to help you discover your life mission
and live it. Her career change tips have been cited in
Kiplinger's, The Wall Street Journal, USA Today Weekend,
Woman's Day, and elsewhere and on-line at MSN,
CareerBuilder, and iVillage.com. An expert on the Impostor
Syndrome, Valerie has spoken on the topic of How to Feel as
Bright and Capable as Everyone Seems to Think You Are
(http://ImpostorSyndrome.com) to such diverse organizations as
Daimler Chrysler, Bristol-Meyers Squibb, Harvard, and American
Women in Radio and Television.
To read more articles about how to work at what you love without
a job go to http://ChangingCourse.com/articles
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 11, 2008
Vision and Value
"The vision and values we choose to fix in our minds today determines tomorrow's character and culture. We start to change who we're becoming and where we're headed when we change what we value and picture in our future."
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Our Values Shape Our Character and Culture"
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Our Values Shape Our Character and Culture"
What Are Your Priorities?
"Our values hierarchy sets our priorities. It determines where we spend our time. For example, do we choose to watch TV or invest that time in personal improvement? Do we sleep longer or go jogging? Do we spend time with our family or take on that extra project with heavy out of town travel? Who gets invited to important meetings? These are important questions because we invest our time in those areas we value most."
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Our Values Set Our Priorities"
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Our Values Set Our Priorities"
How Do You See The World?
"There is no objective reality. We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are."
Sean was filling out a university questionnaire to help determine roommate compatibility. Beside the questions, "Do you make your bed every day?" and "Do you consider yourself a neat person?" he checked "Yes." Later his mother reviewed the questionnaire. Knowing those answers were far from the truth, she asked Sean why he'd lied. "What do you expect me to do," he retorted. "I don't want to get stuck living with some slob!"
The gap between what we say we value and how we live can get pretty big. This hypocrisy could be because I am trying to fool others. Some people don't try to do what's right, they try to guess what other people think is right. For example, when someone says it's not about the money, but the principle of the thing, it's usually about the money. The manager of a large bookstore once told me that the book they have stolen the most is the Bible. Hypocrites climb the social, organizational, or career ladder 'wrong' by 'wrong' while trying to justify, excuse, or disguise their behavior. Like Mae West in Klondike Annie, when choosing between two evils, they pick the one they haven't tried before.
More often hypocrisy is because I am fooling myself. I am not being true to me. I am not authentic. Lack of authenticity often stems from lack of awareness of the values or beliefs that are really at the core of who I am. When we're not centered with a solid core, change is often a threat. It's also harder to accumulate the positive choices that vaccinate us against the Victimitis Virus and keep us from living in Pity City. Lacking a firm focal point, passion is weak and commitment is soft. Without a strong set of core values we're more likely to lead our lives from the outside in rather than the inside out. A centered leader grows his or her inner space and provides spirit and meaning to others. When our values aren't in focus our energy is easily scattered. That makes it tougher to mobilize ourselves never mind anyone else. Core values provide a context for continuous growth and development that takes us toward our dreams. Our core values project forward to become our vision. How we see the world is what we project from ourselves.
In Going Deep, Ian Percy writes, "Most business people I know are much more concerned with the quality of their customer service than they are with the quality of their parenting and spousing." In one highly successful company we consulted with executives proudly declared they had the highest divorce rate of any major corporation in the country. Many wore their divorces as a badge of honor to show their commitment to the company. When the company suddenly tosses them aside or they reach retirement, is a broken family the price that most of these executives will feel glad they paid for their career success? No one can judge someone else's values, but is that really what they value? Is career success at all costs their core essence?
Our core values show themselves in many ways. One is at points of crisis, disaster, or adversity. That's often when our actions move us unconsciously from the depth of our heart. Any masks we may be wearing are torn off to reveal our true face. Money is often another powerful way a person's core essence is revealed to him or herself and/or others. It's amazing to hear some people proclaim family values and then trash their "loved ones" over an inheritance. Greed is responsible for some mighty creative rationalizations. It's great to have money and the good life that money can buy. But we need to ensure that we haven't lost the invaluable things that money can't buy.
Excerpted from Jim's fourth international best-seller, Growing the Distance: Timeless Principles for Personal, Career, and Family Success. Jim Clemmer’s practical leadership books, keynote presentations, workshops, and team retreats have helped hundreds of thousands of people worldwide improve personal, team, and organizational leadership. Visit his web site, www.clemmer.net, for a huge selection of free practical resources including nearly 300 articles, dozens of video clips, team assessments, leadership newsletter, Improvement Points service, and popular leadership blog.
Sean was filling out a university questionnaire to help determine roommate compatibility. Beside the questions, "Do you make your bed every day?" and "Do you consider yourself a neat person?" he checked "Yes." Later his mother reviewed the questionnaire. Knowing those answers were far from the truth, she asked Sean why he'd lied. "What do you expect me to do," he retorted. "I don't want to get stuck living with some slob!"
The gap between what we say we value and how we live can get pretty big. This hypocrisy could be because I am trying to fool others. Some people don't try to do what's right, they try to guess what other people think is right. For example, when someone says it's not about the money, but the principle of the thing, it's usually about the money. The manager of a large bookstore once told me that the book they have stolen the most is the Bible. Hypocrites climb the social, organizational, or career ladder 'wrong' by 'wrong' while trying to justify, excuse, or disguise their behavior. Like Mae West in Klondike Annie, when choosing between two evils, they pick the one they haven't tried before.
More often hypocrisy is because I am fooling myself. I am not being true to me. I am not authentic. Lack of authenticity often stems from lack of awareness of the values or beliefs that are really at the core of who I am. When we're not centered with a solid core, change is often a threat. It's also harder to accumulate the positive choices that vaccinate us against the Victimitis Virus and keep us from living in Pity City. Lacking a firm focal point, passion is weak and commitment is soft. Without a strong set of core values we're more likely to lead our lives from the outside in rather than the inside out. A centered leader grows his or her inner space and provides spirit and meaning to others. When our values aren't in focus our energy is easily scattered. That makes it tougher to mobilize ourselves never mind anyone else. Core values provide a context for continuous growth and development that takes us toward our dreams. Our core values project forward to become our vision. How we see the world is what we project from ourselves.
In Going Deep, Ian Percy writes, "Most business people I know are much more concerned with the quality of their customer service than they are with the quality of their parenting and spousing." In one highly successful company we consulted with executives proudly declared they had the highest divorce rate of any major corporation in the country. Many wore their divorces as a badge of honor to show their commitment to the company. When the company suddenly tosses them aside or they reach retirement, is a broken family the price that most of these executives will feel glad they paid for their career success? No one can judge someone else's values, but is that really what they value? Is career success at all costs their core essence?
Our core values show themselves in many ways. One is at points of crisis, disaster, or adversity. That's often when our actions move us unconsciously from the depth of our heart. Any masks we may be wearing are torn off to reveal our true face. Money is often another powerful way a person's core essence is revealed to him or herself and/or others. It's amazing to hear some people proclaim family values and then trash their "loved ones" over an inheritance. Greed is responsible for some mighty creative rationalizations. It's great to have money and the good life that money can buy. But we need to ensure that we haven't lost the invaluable things that money can't buy.
Excerpted from Jim's fourth international best-seller, Growing the Distance: Timeless Principles for Personal, Career, and Family Success. Jim Clemmer’s practical leadership books, keynote presentations, workshops, and team retreats have helped hundreds of thousands of people worldwide improve personal, team, and organizational leadership. Visit his web site, www.clemmer.net, for a huge selection of free practical resources including nearly 300 articles, dozens of video clips, team assessments, leadership newsletter, Improvement Points service, and popular leadership blog.
Lifelong Learning
"Continuous learning, growing, and developing helps us find the path that is personal and unique to us. Ways of doing things depend upon tools and techniques.. There are no tools or techniques for ways of being. We all need to keep searching, growing, and developing those ways that are true to our inner selves and take us where we want to go."
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Blazing Our Own Improvement Path"
Click here to read the full article now
- from Jim Clemmer's article, "Blazing Our Own Improvement Path"
Click here to read the full article now
Monday, March 3, 2008
Change For The Better
"Change for the Better"
By Edel Jarboe
(Click here to read this article online:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/newsletter154.htm)
The key to changing your life for the better lies in your
willingness to change. It lies in your willingness to let go of
past failures, mistakes, and fears and to embrace your future.
Letting go of self-limiting beliefs and behavior, however, is
difficult because we are often not even aware that we are the
ones holding ourselves back from our happiness. Instead, we
blame our circumstances and other people. But if you are
committed to making your life work you have to be honest with
yourself starting right now. You have to examine the reasons why
you seem to find yourself stuck in a life rut and you have to be
brave and take positive steps to change your life for the better.
== Change Your Habits, Change Your Life ==
The first step is to let go of old habits, beliefs, and routines
that keep you feeling trapped in your life. In other words, pack
up what isn't working for you anymore-emotionally, physically,
financially, etc-- and make room for new dreams and challenges.
Pack up your fears, failures, and disappointments as well because
these are what keep us feeling as if we have no control over our
happiness. And in order to free yourself to reach for your
dreams with confidence you have to break free of your fears and
self-imposed limitations.
In other words, you must challenge your inner obstacles by doing
what you fear. Stop being so hard on yourself and adopt the
attitude that you are in this for the long haul and learn to take
setbacks in stride. Instead of beating yourself up, give
yourself points for having the courage to try and for having the
courage to be true to yourself. Then get back up and try again.
Don't give up on yourself or your happiness just because you
didn't succeed on your first, second, or third try. Keep
believing in yourself and in your dreams and keep on until you
reach your goals.
== Change From Within ==
Too often we stubbornly cling to what isn't working in the hopes
that things will change on their own. But realistically the only
thing that you can change is you. You can change your
perspective on a situation by changing your beliefs and
attitudes. You can change how you choose to deal with the
situation. And, most importantly, you can change how you look at
yourself and your happiness. You can choose to believe that you
deserve to be happy and that you are capable of making your
happiness a reality.
On the other hand, clinging to rigid ideas of what life is
supposed to be like, to what is supposed to make you happy is how
you set yourself up for disappointment and end up in a life rut.
Be willing to let what is going to happen, happen. In order to
make a positive change in your life you have to change your
attitude. Happiness doesn't always come in the package we either
want or expect it to. Instead of wishing that things were
different, better, or easier practice acceptance and consciously
make the most of the tools and resources that are available to
you right now. Sometimes "you" have to make things work out the
way you want them to.
== Dig Out of A Mental Rut ==
Stop using past failures and disappointments as a predictor of
future success. This is a big happiness trap because we give up
before we have even begun to dream. Nurture a belief in yourself
and in your ability to create your own happiness. The way things
are is not the way things have to be.
Again, when we get rid of self-limiting beliefs and self
defeating behavior we make room for personal empowerment and
success. So don't be afraid to embrace new challenges and
opportunities in order to make your dreams a reality. You are
what you think and what you believe about yourself. It is
therefore up to you to take responsibility for your life in the
present moment and to stop making excuses for your unhappiness.
It is up to you to change your life for the better.
------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF------------------------------------------------------------
1. What past failures or disappointments are you hiding behind?
What can you do to get out of this mental rut? What needs to
happen in order for you to learn and grow from this experience
instead of using it as an excuse?
2. How are you holding yourself back from your happiness? Which
habits and beliefs are keeping you stuck? Which habits and
beliefs do you need to replace them with?
3. Are you shying away from new opportunities and challenges?
What fear are you afraid to face and why? What would happen in
your life if you were to confront and conquer this fear? How
would your perception of yourself change? How would your life
change?
------------------------------------------------------------
MONTHLY ADVICE
------------------------------------------------------------
"My ex-boyfriend (of 7 months) and I broke-up about 5 months
ago... Is there any hope to reconcile with him?"
To read the response, click here:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/question95.htm
AOL Users
click here.
------------------------------------------------------------
HELP US GROW
------------------------------------------------------------
Back issues archived at http://www.selfhelpforher.com/sln.htm
Subscribe:
mailto:subscribe@selfhelpforher.com?subject=Subscribe
By Edel Jarboe
(Click here to read this article online:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/newsletter154.htm)
The key to changing your life for the better lies in your
willingness to change. It lies in your willingness to let go of
past failures, mistakes, and fears and to embrace your future.
Letting go of self-limiting beliefs and behavior, however, is
difficult because we are often not even aware that we are the
ones holding ourselves back from our happiness. Instead, we
blame our circumstances and other people. But if you are
committed to making your life work you have to be honest with
yourself starting right now. You have to examine the reasons why
you seem to find yourself stuck in a life rut and you have to be
brave and take positive steps to change your life for the better.
== Change Your Habits, Change Your Life ==
The first step is to let go of old habits, beliefs, and routines
that keep you feeling trapped in your life. In other words, pack
up what isn't working for you anymore-emotionally, physically,
financially, etc-- and make room for new dreams and challenges.
Pack up your fears, failures, and disappointments as well because
these are what keep us feeling as if we have no control over our
happiness. And in order to free yourself to reach for your
dreams with confidence you have to break free of your fears and
self-imposed limitations.
In other words, you must challenge your inner obstacles by doing
what you fear. Stop being so hard on yourself and adopt the
attitude that you are in this for the long haul and learn to take
setbacks in stride. Instead of beating yourself up, give
yourself points for having the courage to try and for having the
courage to be true to yourself. Then get back up and try again.
Don't give up on yourself or your happiness just because you
didn't succeed on your first, second, or third try. Keep
believing in yourself and in your dreams and keep on until you
reach your goals.
== Change From Within ==
Too often we stubbornly cling to what isn't working in the hopes
that things will change on their own. But realistically the only
thing that you can change is you. You can change your
perspective on a situation by changing your beliefs and
attitudes. You can change how you choose to deal with the
situation. And, most importantly, you can change how you look at
yourself and your happiness. You can choose to believe that you
deserve to be happy and that you are capable of making your
happiness a reality.
On the other hand, clinging to rigid ideas of what life is
supposed to be like, to what is supposed to make you happy is how
you set yourself up for disappointment and end up in a life rut.
Be willing to let what is going to happen, happen. In order to
make a positive change in your life you have to change your
attitude. Happiness doesn't always come in the package we either
want or expect it to. Instead of wishing that things were
different, better, or easier practice acceptance and consciously
make the most of the tools and resources that are available to
you right now. Sometimes "you" have to make things work out the
way you want them to.
== Dig Out of A Mental Rut ==
Stop using past failures and disappointments as a predictor of
future success. This is a big happiness trap because we give up
before we have even begun to dream. Nurture a belief in yourself
and in your ability to create your own happiness. The way things
are is not the way things have to be.
Again, when we get rid of self-limiting beliefs and self
defeating behavior we make room for personal empowerment and
success. So don't be afraid to embrace new challenges and
opportunities in order to make your dreams a reality. You are
what you think and what you believe about yourself. It is
therefore up to you to take responsibility for your life in the
present moment and to stop making excuses for your unhappiness.
It is up to you to change your life for the better.
------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF------------------------------------------------------------
1. What past failures or disappointments are you hiding behind?
What can you do to get out of this mental rut? What needs to
happen in order for you to learn and grow from this experience
instead of using it as an excuse?
2. How are you holding yourself back from your happiness? Which
habits and beliefs are keeping you stuck? Which habits and
beliefs do you need to replace them with?
3. Are you shying away from new opportunities and challenges?
What fear are you afraid to face and why? What would happen in
your life if you were to confront and conquer this fear? How
would your perception of yourself change? How would your life
change?
------------------------------------------------------------
MONTHLY ADVICE
------------------------------------------------------------
"My ex-boyfriend (of 7 months) and I broke-up about 5 months
ago... Is there any hope to reconcile with him?"
To read the response, click here:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/question95.htm
AOL Users
click here.
------------------------------------------------------------
HELP US GROW
------------------------------------------------------------
Back issues archived at http://www.selfhelpforher.com/sln.htm
Subscribe:
mailto:subscribe@selfhelpforher.com?subject=Subscribe
Attitude
A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our
worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of
serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the
change.
- Earl Nightingale
******************************************************************************
"Wherever You Go"
By Edel Jarboe
(Click here to read this article online:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/newsletter150.htm)
If only things were new and different. If only you had a new
house, a new job, or a new body, then you would be happy. But be
careful of this kind of thinking. Happiness is not a one-time
deal.
I call this "if only" fantasy. "If only everything were perfect,
then I would be happy." But is this really true? Trite as it may
sound, wherever you go, there you are. You will still be the same
person but only in a different set of circumstances. The
situation may change but if you are still the same person with
the same fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs then any
change you make is going to be temporary. You have to change from
within in order for there to be real and lasting change in your
life.
Get Real With Yourself
Will wearing a size 8 make the rest of your life better too? Will
you get that promotion and the corner office because you look
good in your clothes? Do you believe that you can only attract
someone if you are the right size? Will you really get married
just because you are slimmer? Don't set yourself up for
disappointment. Realize that these things will happen if you work
on making your dreams come true no matter what your circumstances
are. Clothing size has nothing to do with it. Rather, it is your
level of self-confidence and your willingness to commit to your
goals that determines your success. Let go of the "if only"
fantasy and accept that you will have to work at making the rest
of your life all that you want it to be even after you have
achieved your dream.
On the other hand, are you punishing someone in your life for
another person's bad behavior? (Your last boyfriend cheated on
you so you are suspicious of your current flame.) That is, are
you so determined not to repeat the past that you aren't giving
your present a chance? Or are you ignoring what your instincts
are telling you because you want so very much for things to work
out this time? Let go of past failures and disappointments and
work on your happiness in the here and now. Accept that things
didn't work out a certain way for a reason and that all the "if
only's" in the world aren't going to change the past.
Uncover the Root of Your Unhappiness
Don't be afraid to dig down deep in order to discover what is
keeping you from your happiness. It may not be circumstances
after all that are making you unhappy but rather your attitude
and beliefs. What do you believe about yourself and your
happiness and how is this keeping you from realizing your dreams?
For example, if you believe that you are shy and unable to make
friends then is it any wonder that you find yourself alone? As
long as you believe this to be your truth, then you will act
accordingly. At social gatherings you will probably give off
awkward vibes and hunch miserably in the corner. At work, you
will avoid opportunities to get to know your co-workers. And you
will most likely not make small talk while waiting in line at the
grocery store.
How do you combat this crippling belief? Start small. For example
practice small talk by using common conversation openers, such as
asking how someone is doing, talking about the weather, or
discussing a mutual interest. Get comfortable one on one with
people, and then work your way up to feeling comfortable in small
groups of 3-5 people. Set a goal of talking to at least one new
person a day even if it is just for moment and you will be amazed
at how your confidence will grow.
Face Your Fears
What are you running from, and to, and why? If you are serious
about changing your life for the better, find out the answer to
these questions before you make any changes in your life. What
are you running from? Is it past failures or past feelings of
inadequacy? What is going to make your life better in the long
term and why? And most importantly, what are you realistically
going to do to make your life better?
In short, stop running from your problems and face them head on.
Face your fears because the Universe tends to keep presenting you
with the same soul task until you get it right. What lesson do
you need to learn and how will it improve the quality of your
life? Instead of wishing things were better, instead of waiting
for happiness to randomly plop itself in your lap, take the
initiative. Make a commitment to solve a specific problem in your
life that is causing you the greatest stress and unhappiness.
Free yourself from this burden so that you can take better
control of the rest of your life too.
Start Now
Instead of waiting for the perfect circumstances, begin to work
on your happiness from where you are right now. Because to be
quite honest, you could spend the rest of your life waiting for
everything to fall into place, until you felt safe enough to
reach for your happiness, or to even allow yourself to be happy.
Starting over with your happiness takes courage, however. You
have to commit to changing your attitude, beliefs, and behavior.
You have to commit to thinking like a winner.
Realize that whatever it is that you wish would change your life
is only the beginning. You have to take the next steps towards
creating the life that you want. In other words, losing weight,
landing a new job, or buying a new house is just one thing that
could make you happy. You have to keep working on making your
whole life all that you want it to be. This means being honest
with yourself about what makes you happy and the reasons why you
are unhappy. This means facing up to the reality that no one
thing is going to make you happy forever. But this is what makes
life so wonderful. There are plenty of opportunities for
happiness if you are willing to reach for them again and again.
------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is your "if only" fantasy and how can you make it come
true? That is, how can you take greater control of your
happiness? Most importantly, how will this change your life for
the better and are you willing to work for it?
2. What has kept you from being happy in the past? Was it your
attitude or circumstances? Whether you chose attitude or
circumstance, how can you maintain a more positive outlook in the
future?
3. What problem in your life are you running from and how will
facing it improve your life? How will you deal with this problem
once and for all?
------------------------------------------------------------
HELP US GROW
------------------------------------------------------------
Back issues archived at http://www.selfhelpforher.com/sln.htm
Subscribe:
mailto:subscribe@selfhelpforher.com?subject=Subscribe
worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of
serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the
change.
- Earl Nightingale
******************************************************************************
"Wherever You Go"
By Edel Jarboe
(Click here to read this article online:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/newsletter150.htm)
If only things were new and different. If only you had a new
house, a new job, or a new body, then you would be happy. But be
careful of this kind of thinking. Happiness is not a one-time
deal.
I call this "if only" fantasy. "If only everything were perfect,
then I would be happy." But is this really true? Trite as it may
sound, wherever you go, there you are. You will still be the same
person but only in a different set of circumstances. The
situation may change but if you are still the same person with
the same fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs then any
change you make is going to be temporary. You have to change from
within in order for there to be real and lasting change in your
life.
Get Real With Yourself
Will wearing a size 8 make the rest of your life better too? Will
you get that promotion and the corner office because you look
good in your clothes? Do you believe that you can only attract
someone if you are the right size? Will you really get married
just because you are slimmer? Don't set yourself up for
disappointment. Realize that these things will happen if you work
on making your dreams come true no matter what your circumstances
are. Clothing size has nothing to do with it. Rather, it is your
level of self-confidence and your willingness to commit to your
goals that determines your success. Let go of the "if only"
fantasy and accept that you will have to work at making the rest
of your life all that you want it to be even after you have
achieved your dream.
On the other hand, are you punishing someone in your life for
another person's bad behavior? (Your last boyfriend cheated on
you so you are suspicious of your current flame.) That is, are
you so determined not to repeat the past that you aren't giving
your present a chance? Or are you ignoring what your instincts
are telling you because you want so very much for things to work
out this time? Let go of past failures and disappointments and
work on your happiness in the here and now. Accept that things
didn't work out a certain way for a reason and that all the "if
only's" in the world aren't going to change the past.
Uncover the Root of Your Unhappiness
Don't be afraid to dig down deep in order to discover what is
keeping you from your happiness. It may not be circumstances
after all that are making you unhappy but rather your attitude
and beliefs. What do you believe about yourself and your
happiness and how is this keeping you from realizing your dreams?
For example, if you believe that you are shy and unable to make
friends then is it any wonder that you find yourself alone? As
long as you believe this to be your truth, then you will act
accordingly. At social gatherings you will probably give off
awkward vibes and hunch miserably in the corner. At work, you
will avoid opportunities to get to know your co-workers. And you
will most likely not make small talk while waiting in line at the
grocery store.
How do you combat this crippling belief? Start small. For example
practice small talk by using common conversation openers, such as
asking how someone is doing, talking about the weather, or
discussing a mutual interest. Get comfortable one on one with
people, and then work your way up to feeling comfortable in small
groups of 3-5 people. Set a goal of talking to at least one new
person a day even if it is just for moment and you will be amazed
at how your confidence will grow.
Face Your Fears
What are you running from, and to, and why? If you are serious
about changing your life for the better, find out the answer to
these questions before you make any changes in your life. What
are you running from? Is it past failures or past feelings of
inadequacy? What is going to make your life better in the long
term and why? And most importantly, what are you realistically
going to do to make your life better?
In short, stop running from your problems and face them head on.
Face your fears because the Universe tends to keep presenting you
with the same soul task until you get it right. What lesson do
you need to learn and how will it improve the quality of your
life? Instead of wishing things were better, instead of waiting
for happiness to randomly plop itself in your lap, take the
initiative. Make a commitment to solve a specific problem in your
life that is causing you the greatest stress and unhappiness.
Free yourself from this burden so that you can take better
control of the rest of your life too.
Start Now
Instead of waiting for the perfect circumstances, begin to work
on your happiness from where you are right now. Because to be
quite honest, you could spend the rest of your life waiting for
everything to fall into place, until you felt safe enough to
reach for your happiness, or to even allow yourself to be happy.
Starting over with your happiness takes courage, however. You
have to commit to changing your attitude, beliefs, and behavior.
You have to commit to thinking like a winner.
Realize that whatever it is that you wish would change your life
is only the beginning. You have to take the next steps towards
creating the life that you want. In other words, losing weight,
landing a new job, or buying a new house is just one thing that
could make you happy. You have to keep working on making your
whole life all that you want it to be. This means being honest
with yourself about what makes you happy and the reasons why you
are unhappy. This means facing up to the reality that no one
thing is going to make you happy forever. But this is what makes
life so wonderful. There are plenty of opportunities for
happiness if you are willing to reach for them again and again.
------------------------------------------------------------
QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is your "if only" fantasy and how can you make it come
true? That is, how can you take greater control of your
happiness? Most importantly, how will this change your life for
the better and are you willing to work for it?
2. What has kept you from being happy in the past? Was it your
attitude or circumstances? Whether you chose attitude or
circumstance, how can you maintain a more positive outlook in the
future?
3. What problem in your life are you running from and how will
facing it improve your life? How will you deal with this problem
once and for all?
------------------------------------------------------------
HELP US GROW
------------------------------------------------------------
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Benchmarks For Success
Welcome to this Bonus Lesson for the 'Keys to Success' e-Course.
For over 25 years, I've studied and read, watched and coached highly successful people, from self-made millionaires to professional golfers, to great ministers, parents and entrepreneurs. I've read over 2000 books in psychology, self-help, business, investing, management, leadership and success strategies. I've worked with Fortune 100 companies and I've watched sole proprietors both succeed and fail, and from all of that, I've tried to summarize the 6 Keys that I believe are the are critical, essential elements for long-term success in life.
You've read the Six Keys. You've had time to ponder them. I hope you've taken notes, and perhaps printed and re-read the lessons several times. I hope you've found some points you doubt or disagree with, or some items that in your specific situation might have to be modified to 'fit' just right. But I hope you've also seen the essential truth in each of the points. Let's re-cap them:
You will not achieve your dreams or be successful in life if you fail to take care of yourself. Insist on time for rest, time for fitness, time to review your goals, time to develop your plans and develop better strategies.
Beyond taking care of your body, mind and soul, you will need tools and equipment, skills and resources to achieve your dreams. You will need quiet in which to concentrate. You will need a 'problem free zone' where you can be productive, creative and effective. Highly successful people invest in a Personal Eco-System that lets them function at their best.
Dream big dreams, complete in every detail and rich in sensory cues. High achievers imagine the future exactly the way they want it, then develop plans and strategies to create the life they envision. Set goals. Develop plans. Write them down and review them daily. Once you have a goal and a strategy, pursue it with all your heart, mind, strength and energy. Use your imagination to create the life you want!
Ask better questions. Asking better, more powerful and more interesting questions will transform the quality of your life. Ask yourself, 'How can I?' Ask yourself, 'Who can teach me?' Ask yourself, 'What are my most important values, priorities and goals, and how can I reach them?' Focus on great questions and let the answers pull your forward.
Whatever you desire to achieve, start it today. Take some action in the direction you want to go. Then take another, and another. Action has power and decisiveness in it. Action gives us enthusiasm, builds our confidence and encourages us to go further. Success requires and is based on action. Do it.
Create a lifestyle based on repeated daily habits that reflect your values and your ideals. Living well doesn't cost; it pays! Living well is simple, orderly, and powerful. When you have a strong, reliable foundation of repeated daily habits you achieve more, with less effort, less stress and far less confusion. Remember the KISS formula: Keep It Simple and Stress-free.
And here is your bonus item: In every area of your life, develop benchmarks that let you know you are on the right track. Remember, 'what gets measured, gets done.' Track and benchmark your savings, your fitness, your sales, the time you spend with loved ones, or anything else that is critical to your success. Schedule a date with your spouse. Write it on the calendar, and better yet, put a date on the calendar each week for the next 12 months, then keep your promises!
Create simple charts or graphs to monitor your weight and put them on the wall where the whole family can see your progress and encourage you. Monitor anything and everything that you want to achieve. Even seemingly intangible things like 'peace of mind' can be tracked if you are creative. Simply rate your 'peace of mind' on a scale once a day and write it down. Anything that is important to your success deserves to be benchmarked, tracked and recorded.
Highly successful people have always known this. High achievers monitor their finances. The best sales people record the number of calls them make. Athletes measure their times, their distances and their Earned Run Averages. The numbers may not tell you everything about the quality of your life, but they are an essential tool for moving in the direction you want to go.
And finally, have and work with a mentor. As a professional coach, it's tempting to say, 'hire a coach', but that's not always necessary. Sometimes, a professional coach is the answer, and in that case, the sooner you make the commitment, invest the time and money and energy and get started, the faster you'll achieve your goals. But, whether you hire a professional or not, have and use a coach!
Work with someone who has already achieved what you want to achieve. Ask them to teach you, and schedule regular phone calls or have lunch with them once a week. If you cannot find an expert in your field, then read books, listen to tapes, go to seminars, take classes. Hundreds of people have said my 'Road to Riches' teleclass has been the key to achieving their financial goals. Classes work! Books help! Do whatever it takes to learn from the masters. You cannot afford to spend your life re-inventing the wheel. What others have achieved, you can achieve. But be smart and let them teach you.
Thank you for investing in this series. The cost was 'free' you say? No. I didn't charge you any money for it, but if you've taken it seriously, read and pondered these truths and taken action, you've invested something far more valuable than mere money. You invested your time.
Money is abundant. It can be created. It can be multiplied, replaced or borrowed, and it can grow. As economists say, money is 'elastic'. Your time is not. Time, once invested, is gone forever. Thank you for investing your time, and if you use these lessons well, I believe you'll find your investment will repay you thousands of times over.
Blessings to you, and best wishes for your continued and lasting success!
Phil
___________________________________
Philip E. Humbert, PhD
'Helping You Have Your BEST Year Ever!'
Email: Coach@philiphumbert.com
Web: http://www.philiphumbert.com
(c) Copyright, 2002 by The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc
All Rights Reserved. You are encouraged to forward or publish
this article in it's entirety, including by-line, contact info and notices
in the margin, but you may not use excerpts or make any changes
without specific written permission from the author and copyright owner.
For over 25 years, I've studied and read, watched and coached highly successful people, from self-made millionaires to professional golfers, to great ministers, parents and entrepreneurs. I've read over 2000 books in psychology, self-help, business, investing, management, leadership and success strategies. I've worked with Fortune 100 companies and I've watched sole proprietors both succeed and fail, and from all of that, I've tried to summarize the 6 Keys that I believe are the are critical, essential elements for long-term success in life.
You've read the Six Keys. You've had time to ponder them. I hope you've taken notes, and perhaps printed and re-read the lessons several times. I hope you've found some points you doubt or disagree with, or some items that in your specific situation might have to be modified to 'fit' just right. But I hope you've also seen the essential truth in each of the points. Let's re-cap them:
You will not achieve your dreams or be successful in life if you fail to take care of yourself. Insist on time for rest, time for fitness, time to review your goals, time to develop your plans and develop better strategies.
Beyond taking care of your body, mind and soul, you will need tools and equipment, skills and resources to achieve your dreams. You will need quiet in which to concentrate. You will need a 'problem free zone' where you can be productive, creative and effective. Highly successful people invest in a Personal Eco-System that lets them function at their best.
Dream big dreams, complete in every detail and rich in sensory cues. High achievers imagine the future exactly the way they want it, then develop plans and strategies to create the life they envision. Set goals. Develop plans. Write them down and review them daily. Once you have a goal and a strategy, pursue it with all your heart, mind, strength and energy. Use your imagination to create the life you want!
Ask better questions. Asking better, more powerful and more interesting questions will transform the quality of your life. Ask yourself, 'How can I?' Ask yourself, 'Who can teach me?' Ask yourself, 'What are my most important values, priorities and goals, and how can I reach them?' Focus on great questions and let the answers pull your forward.
Whatever you desire to achieve, start it today. Take some action in the direction you want to go. Then take another, and another. Action has power and decisiveness in it. Action gives us enthusiasm, builds our confidence and encourages us to go further. Success requires and is based on action. Do it.
Create a lifestyle based on repeated daily habits that reflect your values and your ideals. Living well doesn't cost; it pays! Living well is simple, orderly, and powerful. When you have a strong, reliable foundation of repeated daily habits you achieve more, with less effort, less stress and far less confusion. Remember the KISS formula: Keep It Simple and Stress-free.
And here is your bonus item: In every area of your life, develop benchmarks that let you know you are on the right track. Remember, 'what gets measured, gets done.' Track and benchmark your savings, your fitness, your sales, the time you spend with loved ones, or anything else that is critical to your success. Schedule a date with your spouse. Write it on the calendar, and better yet, put a date on the calendar each week for the next 12 months, then keep your promises!
Create simple charts or graphs to monitor your weight and put them on the wall where the whole family can see your progress and encourage you. Monitor anything and everything that you want to achieve. Even seemingly intangible things like 'peace of mind' can be tracked if you are creative. Simply rate your 'peace of mind' on a scale once a day and write it down. Anything that is important to your success deserves to be benchmarked, tracked and recorded.
Highly successful people have always known this. High achievers monitor their finances. The best sales people record the number of calls them make. Athletes measure their times, their distances and their Earned Run Averages. The numbers may not tell you everything about the quality of your life, but they are an essential tool for moving in the direction you want to go.
And finally, have and work with a mentor. As a professional coach, it's tempting to say, 'hire a coach', but that's not always necessary. Sometimes, a professional coach is the answer, and in that case, the sooner you make the commitment, invest the time and money and energy and get started, the faster you'll achieve your goals. But, whether you hire a professional or not, have and use a coach!
Work with someone who has already achieved what you want to achieve. Ask them to teach you, and schedule regular phone calls or have lunch with them once a week. If you cannot find an expert in your field, then read books, listen to tapes, go to seminars, take classes. Hundreds of people have said my 'Road to Riches' teleclass has been the key to achieving their financial goals. Classes work! Books help! Do whatever it takes to learn from the masters. You cannot afford to spend your life re-inventing the wheel. What others have achieved, you can achieve. But be smart and let them teach you.
Thank you for investing in this series. The cost was 'free' you say? No. I didn't charge you any money for it, but if you've taken it seriously, read and pondered these truths and taken action, you've invested something far more valuable than mere money. You invested your time.
Money is abundant. It can be created. It can be multiplied, replaced or borrowed, and it can grow. As economists say, money is 'elastic'. Your time is not. Time, once invested, is gone forever. Thank you for investing your time, and if you use these lessons well, I believe you'll find your investment will repay you thousands of times over.
Blessings to you, and best wishes for your continued and lasting success!
Phil
___________________________________
Philip E. Humbert, PhD
'Helping You Have Your BEST Year Ever!'
Email: Coach@philiphumbert.com
Web: http://www.philiphumbert.com
(c) Copyright, 2002 by The Philip E. Humbert Group, Inc
All Rights Reserved. You are encouraged to forward or publish
this article in it's entirety, including by-line, contact info and notices
in the margin, but you may not use excerpts or make any changes
without specific written permission from the author and copyright owner.
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