Attitude

A great attitude does much more than turn on the lights in our
worlds; it seems to magically connect us to all sorts of
serendipitous opportunities that were somehow absent before the
change.

- Earl Nightingale

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"Wherever You Go"
By Edel Jarboe

(Click here to read this article online:
http://www.selfhelpforher.com/newsletter150.htm)

If only things were new and different. If only you had a new
house, a new job, or a new body, then you would be happy. But be
careful of this kind of thinking. Happiness is not a one-time
deal.

I call this "if only" fantasy. "If only everything were perfect,
then I would be happy." But is this really true? Trite as it may
sound, wherever you go, there you are. You will still be the same
person but only in a different set of circumstances. The
situation may change but if you are still the same person with
the same fears, insecurities, and limiting beliefs then any
change you make is going to be temporary. You have to change from
within in order for there to be real and lasting change in your
life.

Get Real With Yourself
Will wearing a size 8 make the rest of your life better too? Will
you get that promotion and the corner office because you look
good in your clothes? Do you believe that you can only attract
someone if you are the right size? Will you really get married
just because you are slimmer? Don't set yourself up for
disappointment. Realize that these things will happen if you work
on making your dreams come true no matter what your circumstances
are. Clothing size has nothing to do with it. Rather, it is your
level of self-confidence and your willingness to commit to your
goals that determines your success. Let go of the "if only"
fantasy and accept that you will have to work at making the rest
of your life all that you want it to be even after you have
achieved your dream.

On the other hand, are you punishing someone in your life for
another person's bad behavior? (Your last boyfriend cheated on
you so you are suspicious of your current flame.) That is, are
you so determined not to repeat the past that you aren't giving
your present a chance? Or are you ignoring what your instincts
are telling you because you want so very much for things to work
out this time? Let go of past failures and disappointments and
work on your happiness in the here and now. Accept that things
didn't work out a certain way for a reason and that all the "if
only's" in the world aren't going to change the past.

Uncover the Root of Your Unhappiness
Don't be afraid to dig down deep in order to discover what is
keeping you from your happiness. It may not be circumstances
after all that are making you unhappy but rather your attitude
and beliefs. What do you believe about yourself and your
happiness and how is this keeping you from realizing your dreams?

For example, if you believe that you are shy and unable to make
friends then is it any wonder that you find yourself alone? As
long as you believe this to be your truth, then you will act
accordingly. At social gatherings you will probably give off
awkward vibes and hunch miserably in the corner. At work, you
will avoid opportunities to get to know your co-workers. And you
will most likely not make small talk while waiting in line at the
grocery store.

How do you combat this crippling belief? Start small. For example
practice small talk by using common conversation openers, such as
asking how someone is doing, talking about the weather, or
discussing a mutual interest. Get comfortable one on one with
people, and then work your way up to feeling comfortable in small
groups of 3-5 people. Set a goal of talking to at least one new
person a day even if it is just for moment and you will be amazed
at how your confidence will grow.

Face Your Fears
What are you running from, and to, and why? If you are serious
about changing your life for the better, find out the answer to
these questions before you make any changes in your life. What
are you running from? Is it past failures or past feelings of
inadequacy? What is going to make your life better in the long
term and why? And most importantly, what are you realistically
going to do to make your life better?

In short, stop running from your problems and face them head on.
Face your fears because the Universe tends to keep presenting you
with the same soul task until you get it right. What lesson do
you need to learn and how will it improve the quality of your
life? Instead of wishing things were better, instead of waiting
for happiness to randomly plop itself in your lap, take the
initiative. Make a commitment to solve a specific problem in your
life that is causing you the greatest stress and unhappiness.
Free yourself from this burden so that you can take better
control of the rest of your life too.

Start Now
Instead of waiting for the perfect circumstances, begin to work
on your happiness from where you are right now. Because to be
quite honest, you could spend the rest of your life waiting for
everything to fall into place, until you felt safe enough to
reach for your happiness, or to even allow yourself to be happy.
Starting over with your happiness takes courage, however. You
have to commit to changing your attitude, beliefs, and behavior.
You have to commit to thinking like a winner.

Realize that whatever it is that you wish would change your life
is only the beginning. You have to take the next steps towards
creating the life that you want. In other words, losing weight,
landing a new job, or buying a new house is just one thing that
could make you happy. You have to keep working on making your
whole life all that you want it to be. This means being honest
with yourself about what makes you happy and the reasons why you
are unhappy. This means facing up to the reality that no one
thing is going to make you happy forever. But this is what makes
life so wonderful. There are plenty of opportunities for
happiness if you are willing to reach for them again and again.

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QUESTIONS TO ASK YOURSELF------------------------------------------------------------
1. What is your "if only" fantasy and how can you make it come
true? That is, how can you take greater control of your
happiness? Most importantly, how will this change your life for
the better and are you willing to work for it?

2. What has kept you from being happy in the past? Was it your
attitude or circumstances? Whether you chose attitude or
circumstance, how can you maintain a more positive outlook in the
future?

3. What problem in your life are you running from and how will
facing it improve your life? How will you deal with this problem
once and for all?

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HELP US GROW
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